KING of the UNITED STATES

Pirates are so hot hot hot! Ever since Johnny Depp churned out some Pirates of the Caribbean blockbusters, the public has fallen utterly in love with the ale imbibing, “arg” spoutin’, lavishly alt-rock dressed pirate.

Recent high-profile news of daredevil Somali pirates (illuminating what is actually a fairly trendy situation off that coast) has shown the lengths people will go to to play pirate today. Imagine; stealing tanks from Putin’s Russia. That takes balls, folks. But that’s how fun the pirate lifestyle is! Yo ho, yo ho; a pirate’s life for me!

I love it on “CSI”, or “Law and Order”, when they have some grainy security cam footage shot from across a parking lot, and they tap their buddy on the shoulder and say, “can you zoom in on that?” Suddenly, you’re looking at a Richard Avedon photo. I mean, I leave plenty of room for [...]

Is there anyone who actually means it when they say they want equality? I’m not sure I believe it anymore. In an ironic twist, most people I know (having lived for quite awhile in Illinois) are exhaustingly bleeding heart, and use the term “equality” to invoke sympathetic endorsements (and “yes, yes” chants from the audience) regarding affirmative-action, [...]

What have we citizens lost?
I’m not talking about 40 years ago, and I’m not talking about 40 years from now; but in the present, the term freedom is frequently an illusion.
I am not talking about Bush and the Patriot Act. Yes, there is shrill noise across the globe complaining about wild losses in our civil [...]